I'm having a bad week to put it lightly. First, I was mugged by a guy on monday who among other persuasive charms also had a 5 inch blade to help convince me to donate my cash and mobile to him. That's a bit of a mind fuck, especially considering it happened right outside my flat. Makes me a bit apprehensive about walking home late at night which I am frequently required to do because of rehearsals or work. I resent that this man has messed with my life and the way I live it- he has taken some of my innocence and reacquainted me with how violent and shitty the world can be and trust me, I knew that before.
Well the world has decided that that isn't enough to deal with in one week, nope its not. I found out this evening that my great-grandmother, who I loved very deeply passed away yesterday. She was 90 and we expected to lose her sometime, but you are never prepared for death and for losing someone you love. All I want right now is to be about 5 years old and able to crawl into my mother's lap and have her stroke my hair and to feel safe. Or barring not being able to go back in time, to be held by someone I love to make me feel safe- but that apparently comes with its own set of disappointments which I won't go into here. I do wonder about that old saying of bad things come in threes, so what's next for me? I'm not loving the world right now.